Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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