I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
how drunk are you?
Several
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
