oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
