guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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