She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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