Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
