I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
