I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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