Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
