the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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