You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My breasts were aching with rage.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
