hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
