i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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