Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
