My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
