i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry about my life...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize