her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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