I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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