then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
