dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
