evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
