if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
