Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
