I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
