This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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