You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
