I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
