Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
