'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
