I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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