i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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