Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
