I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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