thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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