my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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