If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
