So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
