bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize