end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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