I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
