So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
