You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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