Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
