Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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