it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are a genius and a whore.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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