How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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