hotel room ftw
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
