We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
