i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
