morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
