Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
