A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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