My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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