i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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