Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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