this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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