there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
