so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
