You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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