Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize