I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize