I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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