Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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