Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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