get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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