help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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