i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
