So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
