There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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