In the future we'll all be gay
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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