I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
