a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
