my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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