No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
